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Bears, Vikings and Lions Jokes

We asked our witty RODGERS THAT! Facebook Fans to give us their best Packer (or any NFC North opponents) jokes.  They came up with some DANDYs!  Read 'em and LOL!! 

 

 

Jake Herbst What do you call a Viking player with a Super Bowl ring? A thief..
5 hours ago · Unlike · 7 people

Mark Pesta The Chicago Bears football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Lovie Smith immediately suspended practice and called the police and federal investigators. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to players was the GOAL LINE. Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again this season.
5 hours ago · Unlike · 10 people
Rodgers That! ‎'Forgot to mention - most 'Likes' wins the contest...
5 hours ago · Unlike · 1 person

Shane Moore One day, a housework challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Soon after he stepped into the Laundry Room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine for my sweatshirt?"

"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt??"

He yelled back, "Go Vikings!!"

She replied, "Use hot water, a box of Tide, and four cups of bleach!"
5 hours ago · Like · 10 people

Paula Windsor Everyone heard of the Minnesota wildfires a couple months ago...Well, you know how they went 400 miles southeast?? Because the Vikings Blow and the Bears Suck!!
5 hours ago · Unlike · 3 people

Jason Ottum Q) Why do the trees in Milwaukee all lean to the south?

A) Because the Vikings blow and the Bears suck!
5 hours ago · Unlike · 3 people

Dean Schoenrock God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Wisconsin , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful rivers and streams, lakes, forests, and hills. The people from Wisconsin are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things. Champions shall come from here!"

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "I will create Minnesota, wait till you see the clowns I put there. They will field a football team to provide entertainment; they will wear purple and play in a domed stadium."

Michael inquisitively asked, "Why a domed stadium?"

God said, "Even I don't want to watch them play."
5 hours ago · Unlike · 6 people

Diana Marcinek DeGraaf Chicago Bears Football Team
A fellow walks into a restaurant, orders a drink, and asks the waiter if he'd like to hear a good Bears joke. "Listen buddy," he growled. "See those 2 big guys on your left? They were both linemen for the Bears. And that huge fellow on your right was a pro-bowl Defensive End for the Bears. That guy in the corner was the Bears all time sacks leader. And I was the defensive coordinator for the Bears. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?" "Nah, guess not," the man replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it 5 times."
5 hours ago · Unlike · 5 people

Mark Pesta Where do Vikings fans go in the case of a toranado? The metrodome. There is never any touchdowns there.
5 hours ago · Unlike · 8 people

Theodore J Mariner Why Did Hitler Kill The Jews? He Forgot Bout Viking fans
5 hours ago · Like · 1 person

Robert Espinosa between Lions, Vikings, and the Bears, all 3 combined there's only 1 superbowl. There's your joke.
5 hours ago · Unlike · 1 person

Becky Towne This guy walks into a bar wearing a VIKING jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a VIKING jersey on with a little VIKING helmet too. The guy says to the bartender, 'Can my dog and I watch the VIKINGS game here?
My TV at home broke and my dog and I want to see the game.'
The bartender replies, 'normally, dogs in the bar would not be allowed, but it is not terribly busy in here, so you and the dog can have a seat at the end of the bar.
But, if there is any trouble with you or the dog, I'll have to ask you to leave.' The guy agrees and he and his dog start watching the game.
Pretty soon the VIKINGS kick a field goal and the little dog jumps on the bar and walks down the bar and gives everyone a high five.
The bartender says, 'Hey, that's cool! What does he do for a touch down?'
The guy answers, 'I don't know, I've only had him for 3 years.'
5 hours ago · Unlike · 5 people

Mike Debroux A little boy goes to court to find who to live with, he has had a bad life. The judge asks "little jonny who do you want to live with? He responds "I dont wanta live me my mom or dad they spank and whip me!" The judge asks " then who is it you want to live with?" little Jonny responded " The Bears they dont beat anybody"!!!
5 hours ago · Unlike · 2 people

Tyann Taylor Last year after the Packers/Bills game, Buffalo released quarterback Trent Edwards.

During the Packers/Eagles game, the Packers injured Philadelphia quarterback Kevin Kolb.

Philadelphia then had to play backup quarterback Michael Vick.
During a playoff game against the Eagles, the Packers injured Michael Vick and another backup was needed.

After the Packers/Cowboys game, Dallas fired Wade Phillips and most of his staff.

After the Packers/Vikings game, Minnesota fired Brad Childress and most of his staff.

Four weeks after losing to the Packers, the 49er's coach Mike Singletary and most of his staff were fired and replaced.

During the Bears Playoff game, the Packers injured Jay Cutler and backup Todd Collins forcing the Bears to go with 3rd string quarterback Caleb Hanie.

Question: Is it just me, or did the Packers create more jobs than Obama last year?
5 hours ago · Unlike · 5 people

Bev Roll A Packers Fan is having breakfast one morning coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Bears Fan, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Packers Fan ignores the Bears fan who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:
Bears Fan "You Packers folk eat the whole bread??"
Packers Fan (in a bad mood) "Of course."
Bears Fan (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Chicago, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Wisconsin.”
The Bears fan has a smirk on his face.
The Packers Fan listens in silence.
The Bears Fan persists "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
Packers Fan "Of Course."
Bears Fan (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Chicago we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Wisconsin."
The Packers Fan then asks "Do you have sex in Chicago?"
Bears Fan "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.
Packers Fan And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Bears Fan "We throw them away, of course."
Packers Fan "We don't. In Wisconsin, we put them in a container,
recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Chicago."
5 hours ago · Unlike · 3 people
Rodgers That! LOL! "Liked" ALL of 'em so far!! Share the link and have your Friends "Like" your jokes!!
5 hours ago · Unlike · 2 people

Tamatha Creel Byars residents in nursing homes in mississippi have reportedly been attemptin to play football, taking nude pics, talking out of their heads, and making calls to the media claiming they are coming out of the retirement home. drs naming it Favre Syndrome
5 hours ago · Unlike · 4 people

Lisa Shockley Higgins Q. How do the Vikings count to 10?
A. 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10
5 hours ago · Unlike · 3 people

Ginger Deschane ‎@Tyann-Can I 'like' about a million times?!?!?!
5 hours ago · Unlike · 2 people

Dave Combs A packer fan and a vikings fan fins a magic lamp. The genie pops out and tells them they both have one wish. the vikings fan quickly answers with i want a 1000 ft wall round the state of Minnesota so no damn packer fans can even come to my state again. the genie blinks and says it is done. the packer fan smiles, when the vikings fan see this he is enraged. the vikings fan says "whats so funny"? the packer fan turns to the genie and says, fill them walls with water.
5 hours ago · Unlike · 5 people

Alejandra Acosta What does a Tampon and the Bears have in common? Only good for one period, they don’t have a second string, and they belong in the trash when you are done with them!!
5 hours ago · Unlike · 33 people

Rhonda Mattson A Packer fan, a Viking fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together in a train traveling through Switzerland when the train enters a tunnel and the car goes completely dark. There's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, Pamela Anderson and the Packer fan are sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Viking fan is holding his slapped face. The Viking fan is thinking, "That Packer fan must have kissed Pamela Anderson and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead." Pamela Anderson is thinking, "That Viking fan must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Packer, and got slapped for it." And the Packer fan is thinking, "This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that Vikings fan again."
5 hours ago · Unlike · 3 people

Kevin Bestul The Bears.
5 hours ago · Unlike · 3 people

Christine Morrisey What's the first thing Lions fans will hear when the Lions win the Super Bowl?

Their alarm clocks.
5 hours ago · Unlike · 4 people

Christine Morrisey OR..why doesn't Flint MI have a professional football team?

Because then Detroit would want one.
5 hours ago · Unlike · 2 people

Melodie Peltier-Thorp • Wy do Packer fans always invite Viking fans to their parties?
~ Because we always like “whine” with our cheese!
4 hours ago · Unlike · 19 people

Laura Martell The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman president, who happens to be from Wisconsin . A few days after the election the president-elect, whose name is Susan, calls her Father and says, 'So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's an 18 hour drive."

'Don't worry about it Dad, I'll send Air Force One. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.'

'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?'

"Oh Dad," replies Susan, 'I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in Washington ..'

'Honey,' Dad complains, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you eat.' Do they serve tap beer ????

The President-to-be responds, 'Don't worry Dad. The entire affair will be handled by the best caterer in Washington , I'll ensure your meals are salt free. You and mom just have to be there.'

So Dad reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan is being sworn in as President of the United States . In the front row sits the new president's Dad and Mom. Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispers, 'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States ..'

The Senator whispers back, 'You bet I do.'

Dad says proudly, "Her brother played football for the Green Bay Packers."
4 hours ago · Unlike · 4 people

Trisha Majewski What does a tampon and the Chicago Bears have in common?
**They are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
4 hours ago · Unlike · 2 people

Heidi Ladwig Maerzke ‎"A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.

The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to and enjoy the game together. "Oh no," the guy said, "They're all at the funeral."
4 hours ago · Unlike · 6 people

Andrea Monicken Whats the difference between a pile of crap car and the Minnesota Vikings? The pile of crap car has a title!
4 hours ago · Unlike · 3 people

Marce Diebold Why doesn't Iowa have a professional football team? Because Illinois and Minnesota would want one too.
4 hours ago · Unlike · 3 people

Marce Diebold How many MINNESOTA VIKINGS does it take to win a Superbowl?
Nobody knows and we may never find out!
4 hours ago · Unlike · 3 people

Alex Ransom The bears still suck
4 hours ago · Unlike · 1 person

Marce Diebold A guy stops at a store forgetting that he has two Chicago Bears tickets on his dashboard. He comes out of the store and finds his car broken into. The police show up, and while making out the crime report - ask if there was anything stolen. The guy said, "Just my jackets, a couple of CD's and when I looked on the dash - I saw TWO MORE Bears tickets!"
4 hours ago · Unlike · 1 person

Jessica Schultz it was just on the news an NEW zoo bear got loose. they are telling all neighbors of the zoo to put a goal postl in your yard to keep the Bear out.
3 hours ago · Unlike · 1 person

Sandra Seeck Grant What do the Chicago Bears and Billy Grahm have in common? They are the only people that can get 100,000 people to stand up and shout : "Jesus Christ"
3 hours ago · Unlike · 2 people

Shelley Brusky Whats the difference between the Vikings & a broken down farm truck? The broken down farm truck has a title.
3 hours ago · Unlike · 2 people

Wendy Westby What's the difference between the Chicago Bears & a dollar bill?

You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
2 hours ago · Unlike · 4 people

Chad Rowekamp the bears logo was made out of a toilet seat
2 hours ago · Unlike · 1 person

Nickolas S. Stumbris When the Twins and Golden Gophers buit their own stadiums, the Vikings finally had the Metrodome all to themselves. They decided to spruce up the dome and make it purely 100% Vikings. The first thing the construction team did: remove every trophy case on the premises.
2 hours ago · Unlike · 1 person
Rodgers That! These are far too Funny to just evaporate into cyberspace! We are going to have put them on a page our www.rodgersthat.com We'll title it "Jokes of the NFL".

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2 hours ago · Unlike · 3 people ·
Rodgers That! Only 2 1/2 hours remain in the contest - get your Friends to vote for your best joke!
about an hour ago · Like

Linda Franzwa A Bears fan, a Packers fan and a Viking fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Viking fan insists that he is the most loyal. “This is for the Vikings!” he yells,and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone,the Packers fan is next to profess his love for his team. He… yells,”this is for the Packers!” & pushes the Bears fan off the mountain. GO PACKERS!!
about an hour ago · Unlike · 2 people

Leslie Heiden-Burzynski you have to set this joke up first.take the clear wrapper off of any small square candy box or ciggarette box.stand it upside down in front of you.ask the person your talking too to look at it.you ask them what is this??? the answer..........the minn vikings trophy case!!!!!! empty!!!
about an hour ago · Unlike · 1 person

Brenda Chellberg Webmasters note: I didn't write the essay below, and don't know who did. But you can be sure that if I find out who wrote it, I'll credit him/her, because I don't want to take an ass-kicking!
HOW TO SAVE YOUR ASS IF YOU PLAN TO VISIT WISCONSIN THIS SUMMER
ISSUED BY THE WISCONSIN BUREAU OF TOURISM TO ALL VISITORS:

1) Don't order Filet Mignon or Pasta Primavera at Al's Lodge. It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If
you upset the ladies in the kitchen, they'll kick your ass.

2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Sheboygan, Menomonee, Nekoosa, Prairie du Chien, etc.) or we will just have to kick your ass.

3) Don't order a bottle or a can of pop here. Here it's called "soda." Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.

4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you are. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a
bunch of hicks or we'll kick your ass.

5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to to make a living here. Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to
time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate and let her win. If someone tried to do that, we would kick her ass.

6) Don't laugh at our giant fiberglass fish and cows. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards can't be bad. And don't laugh at our love
and pride of cheese or we'll kick your ass.

7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we'll kick your ass.

8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak rare like God intended
and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake! Also, don't ask what a hot dish is or we'll kick your ass.

9) Don't try to fake a Wisconsin accent. We don't have an accent. That will incite a riot and you will get your ass kicked.

10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited big-city hell-holes like Detroit, New York
and Chicago, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, interstate 90, 94 and 43 are ready when you are. Move your ass on home
before it gets kicked.

11) Don't complain that Wisconsin has too many mosquitoes and farmland. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your ass all the way back to
Chicago.

12) Don't ridicule our manners. We only speak when spoken to. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.

13) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on the farm or in the woods? That's because we have enough sense to not live in
filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your ass.

14) Oshkosh B'gosh is NOT a joke. Your ass will be kicked.

15) The Green Bay Packers are not a joke. God created the greatest football dynasty ever and placed it in Green Bay. Any jokes about the Packers or
Vince Lombardi will result in a severe and unrelenting ass kicking.

16) If you are from Atlanta, for your own safety, say you are from somewhere else, lest you get your ass kicked. (Take three sports franchises from
Milwaukee and we have a tendency to hold a grudge.)

17) If you are looking for a water fountain, you'll need to go to a park. Water comes out of bubblers here. Make a joke about it, and you guessed
it, another ass kicking.

18) Sausage Races are cool. Make fun of it, and one of the Sausages will come up from the field of Miller Park and lay down a 8 foot sausage ass
kicking on you.

19) The University of Wisconsin is the oldest, best school in the Big Ten. Any jokes about the quality of UW will result in Barry Alvarez, Ron Dayne,
Dick Bennett, Bo Ryan, Crazylegs Hirsch, Alan Ameche, Pat Richter, and any able bodied UW students assisting Bucky Badger in his class, Ass-Kicking 101.

20) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us that hunting is cruelty to animals and venison is not edible meat. This will get your ass shot (after it is kicked). Say this twice and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass.

Now enjoy your visit and then go home!

PS...just thought i'd share this..#15 is my FAV!!!! GO PACK!!!!!!
51 minutes ago · Unlike · 1 person

Lindsey Koehler Q. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if the woodchuck was Chuck Woodson?

A. All of it.
25 minutes ago · Unlike · 2 people

Emily Enright Knock Knock. Whose there? The Chicago Bears' offensive line. The Chicago Bears have an offensive line? Where the hell have you been all season? (Lame, I know, but I'm not good at making jokes! There are so many good ones on here!)
23 minutes ago · Unlike · 1 person

 

 
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